The Optimism of Crisis: 8 Steps to Make the Best Choice

The phenomena of 20-somethings going through a 'quarter-life crisis' is no longer just found among a few- it has become a rite of passage into adulthood. With the multitude of career options out there and different ways one can lead her life it is easy to become overwhelmed. From choosing which college to go to, which major to pick once you get there, and finally which career path you will travel down, life becomes overrun with monumental decisions after 18 years of having the plan mainly laid out for you. Choice is jumping off a cliff from the dream of possibility into the of reality of action- but if you don't jump you'll never get to swim.


Instead of seeing all of the possibility and wonder of choice, having so many options makes one see only loss of possibilities when choosing – even the best possible option. When choosing a major, perhaps a guy has always wanted to be a doctor and the pre-med track is an easy pick. But in today’s culture where we teach our children that they can ‘do anything’ and ‘be anything’… we want to do everything! All of a sudden when Mr. Pre-Med is there about to sign that slip committing his school career to all of the biology, chemistry, and math classes… he remembers his love of painting and foreign cultures and starts feeling an overwhelming sense of loss. All of a sudden choosing medicine is no longer just gaining the knowledge and skills to become a doctor- which he still wants to do- it is now also losing his chance of becoming a famous painter or an anthropologist who leads the exciting life of traveling to foreign cultures.


Now imagine you do not have a good idea of what you want to do with your life, or what will make you happy. This is when the ‘quarter-life crisis’ begins to really spin out of control. There are so many options and you want to choose the ‘best’ one- the major, job, career path, or even place to live that will make you happy in the long run. The fear of making the wrong choice can lead one to delaying making a choice at all. It can become immobilizing.


Recently I heard a man mention he was going through a quarter-quarter life crisis…yet I could not focus on what he was saying because one thing kept running through my mind: This man is 30 years old! How amazingly optimistic to be crying ‘crisis’ with the intrinsic assumption that you will live through it - and beyond to be 120 years old! Part of me wanted to shake him! While I completely appreciate the overwhelm of choice, it is not a crisis! Perhaps we should reframe these moments as times of gratitude where we have the extreme good fortune to have the opportunity to have the freedom of choice.


Next time you feel a crisis of choice coming on, take these steps:

1. Be grateful for the opportunity before you!
2. Think about where you want to be in the future, and where each of the choices will take you.
3. Make a list of positive and negative outcomes for each choice, and make sure to include what the positive and negative consequences will be for not choosing an option.
4. Decide!
5. Know you made the best choice for you given the information at hand so there is no reason to look back!
6. Know that the choice is not your entire life. If there were appealing pros on the other choice’s list you can find ways to incorporate those or similar aspects into your life.
7. Give the decision your all, and enjoy it(!), for you were given this wonderful opportunity!
8. In the future when a new choice comes barreling down your path, or if circumstances change and you want to reconsider your career, location, or even something as simple as where to go on vacation… start over at step one!

Always remember when you begin feeling the stress of an impending life choice that gratitude is the best outlook! If you are having a hard time deciding it is because there is not a bad choice in the bunch- if one of the choices was bad it would be pretty easy to rule out! Think about the options, appreciate the opportunity, and you will make the right choice!

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Shocking Sheeping and the Sheep who Shock

We all like to believe we are not sheep. We like to believe we are not influenced to make purchases because ads make us want a product, we like to think we are independent thinkers and do as we believe is right and not just what others tell us to do. We like to believe that we will not jump off a bridge because our friends just did, that we will stand up for what we know is right at crucial times, and that we will never follow a leader into doing something against our own moral standards.

Are our beliefs little more than wishful thinking?

In a time when the world was still reeling and recovering from the treacherous and inhumane crimes committed during the Holocaust, many were left asking, "How were so many people able to commit such horrendous acts against another person, or stand by and watch them happen, doing nothing to stop it?"

In the early '60s, Stanely Milgram completed his obedience experiments, testing to see how far people would go when an authority figure told them to do something (in this case, applying shocks to an unseen person, with increasing voltage and consequently resulting pain). The person receiving the shock was an actor, not actually being harmed, but the participants did not know this and believed they were applying the shocks to the screaming man in the next room. What I found interesting about this study when I learned about it in a beginner psych course back in college, was how scarily unaware of responsibility that the participants felt for harming the man. Many, while agitated and increasingly uncomfortable at the pain they were causing this other person (who was doing nothing 'wrong' other than missing answers on a simple test), seemed to feel they had no choice in what they were doing. 'The man in the white lab coat is in charge, he told me to do this, so I will do it.' Below is a clip of footage from the original experiment:





Milgram was not alone in proving our sheeping tendencies. A recent BBC article cited 2 recent experiments that replicated Milgrams results. The majority of participants in both studies were willing to torture (apply electrical shocks), even after the previous shock had caused the person receiving the shocks to scream in pain. This fascinating behavior is scary, sad, maybe even a bit sadistic, but not surprising.

We look to those 'in charge' or who know more than us in certain situations, to tell us what to do. There is a new book out entitled 'Nudge', by Richard Thaler and Cass Sustein that talks a bit about the psychology at play in this experiment. This ability to 'nudge' people, as with most forces, can be used in positive or negative ways. On the Nudges website, the authors discuss the Milgram experiment and how the authority figures successfully 'nudged' the participants:

"The deliberative part of his decision - the reflective decision-making moment where he answers Shall I go on with the experiment? Shall I shock? - always applies to the next round of questioning on the test, not to incorrect answer he just heard. There appears to be no deliberation at the moment of the wrong answer. There is only an automatic decision to shock. It is as if he already made that decision in the previous round."

Looking at the man in the Milgram video, he clearly had thoughts about wanting to stop, asking the researcher to stop more than once. All the researcher had to do was encourage him to continue- to tell him to keep going. He never threatened harm (never once said 'keep going or you'll be shocked next'), never once threatened to take anything away or any other form of mild 'punishment'. He just made stopping not a choice verbally. The man had to physically stop applying the shocks and administering the test. Was he scared of confrontation? Unsure if his own thoughts were correct (ie this seems wrong, but the doctor is telling me to do it so I must be mistaken, everything must really be ok)?

What does this mean to you? How do you prevent yourself from falling victim to your own tendency to blindly listen to and follow authority figures in your own life?

• Have a clear system of morals in your life. Contemplate what you consider right and wrong, good and bad, mean and nice.
• Listen to your leaders- often they have more knowledge or expertise in certain areas, can teach you much, and may be good at managing or organizing people. But they may not have your best interests at heart, they may have different morals than you, be willing to do or ask you to do things that you normally would not do without the 'nudge'. Do not simply do what they say- think about it before you take action.
  
• If someone (authority figure or not, in person or through a print or digital medium) is telling you to do something, ask 'why?' What do they want from me, what will they gain, what will I gain, what will the consequences be if I do it, what will the consequences be if I don't do it?
• As simple as it may be, never forget the Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

As you move through your day and your life, listen, learn and be willing to speak up and take action whether you agree or disagree with the situation at hand!

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